Apology to the Philippines

My last week in the Philippines has been eventful and disappointing in some ways. I was unable to go on a trip to the hundred islands park where you ride a boat among a hundred small islands. I did want to go but looking back, it was pretty expensive and I do need to save some money for when I go to Korea and Japan. A few days ago was the hottest day in Manila so far this summer, 36°C which is 97°F. I wasn't aware that it was so hot and I decided to go for a run at around 1 PM. Halfway through my run I got severe chest pains in what seemed like my heart. I couldn't run and could barely walk as I scuffled home to drink some water. It was pretty bad, I thought I actually had heart problems but I think it was probably a combination of heat stroke or dehydration. It took me a day to recover from that and I thought the reaction from my friends when I told them was funny. My landlord thought my heart was hurting because I missed my ex-girlfriend and my other friends assumed that I was just sad to leave the Philippines. Being the hypochondriac that I am, I tried to convince him that I had a heart condition. I don't know why I always entertain such stupid fantasies and they are probably right. It is kind of ironic since I remember that before I arrived here I used to think that I was going to the Philippines to die but I really don't recognize myself from that time. And as I leave the Philippines I would like to apologize for many things.

Totoo gusto kong matuto ng Tagalog at ang Tagalog ko ay OK pero mali pa at baloktot ang Tagalog ko. Tamad ako at hind ako nag-aral ang Tagalog araw araw. Pagod ako araw araw kasi uminom ako gabi gabi. Pasensha ka na. Tapos, Gusto kong pumunta sa Mindanao at Illocos date pero walang oras at pera ako. Next time nalang. Tapos, sobra uminom ako sa Pilipinas kasi talaga mura dito ang beer at brandy.

Talaga hindi kong gusto umalis dito at babalik ako sa Pilipinas pero di ko alam kailan. Hindi ako mayaman at walang pera na ako. Siguro kung babalik sa Pilipinas, nakatira ako sa Zamboanga. Talaga gusto kong pumunta doon; even if I die there. Tapos, talaga basahin ko ang El Filibusterismo sa Tagalog. Gusto kong Si Rizal at may madaming respect ako para sa kanya. Ibig ko ang Pilipinas at mag-mimiss ako ang mga kaibigan ko dito.

My Tagalog is still not very good but I hope that's understandable for Filipinos. Basically, I am disappointed in myself for not perfecting Tagalog. I have lived here for eight months and I had ample time if I really worked at it but I was not so studious. It's hard to be motivated to learn Tagalog when you can almost always find someone who can speak English. It was easy for me to learn Japanese in Japan. Not because Japanese is an easier language to learn than Tagalog but because so few people would speak English with me. I was forced to speak Japanese pretty much all day. I really enjoyed that part of my stay in Japan and I hope people in Vietnam also speak little English so I can learn Vietnamese while I am there. When I first arrived in the Philippines I was speaking mainly Japanese since I was always with Japanese girls. With months of translating documents my Japanese did improve but my Japanese also has suffered a bit since I have been speaking mainly English lately since a lot of my Japanese friends left and I started hanging out with guys from New Zealand and Korea but I can send my Japanese friends a little message.

私は日本語をもと勉強しますけどピッツバーグで別に練習できないからちょっと心配しています。それにフィリピンの大学で日本人の大学の先生に会って私は大阪大学でフィリピンについて話をするはずだたけど彼に連絡しませんでした。いい経験でしょうけど私は怠け者です。本当に悪いですね。みんな日本人はフィリピンに興味があるべきだと思います。日本人は時々フィリピンで悪い事をします。例えば、フィリピン人に結婚して子供がいても日本に帰えてフィリピンの家族について忘れます。私ボンランティアしていたNGOはこの問題と働くので私はこの問題についてよくわかります。もちろん、韓国人とアメリカ人と中国人は同じな事をしますけどフィリピン人権がありますよ。

I should also apologize for drinking so much while I was here. It is so cheap that it is kind of unavoidable but I can't say it was so good for my health to be drinking every night and fighting the tiredness the next day by drinking copious amounts of energy drinks.

I have learned so much in Philippines and I can't say I have given so much in return. I have learned from those that have been forgotten and abused. Filipinos don't have an easy life. I think it is safe to say that they generally are not taken seriously by a lot of other Asians. It is really unfair and I could go on a rant about the evils of globalization and the sinister agendas of international finance institutions but my views are posted on other parts of this blog. What I think the failures of the Philippine political system and the aggressive world economy really boil down to is a reality Filipinos have been forced to accept but have simultaneously transcended. Filipino society is functional even with the aggressive pressures from outside the country essentially because of the good nature and strength of the people. Filipinos have demonstrated a sense of warmth and kindness that I have not experienced in other countries. There is a sense of social solidarity that you feel in the air. The Philippines also happens to be one of the most beautiful places on earth. From Palawan to Banaue I was constantly surprised by the landscape here.

Did I learn something from watching children dig through dumpsters outside KFC or visiting some of poorest places in the world? Perhaps, but it is not something I can write about in this blog. I can say that it does put some things in perspective. Meeting and learning the stories of the lovely women of Maligaya House also does put some things in perspective for me and again it is hard for me to describe. It really was a contrast; working landscaping last summer with a bunch of guys complaining about having spent time in jail because of child-support payments and then volunteering for an NGO that fights for the rights of woman and children abandoned by Japanese men. I enjoy that sort of contrast and even if the social work aspect of my job was hard to get used to in the beginning I have come to respect the job they are doing.

I have had so many good experiences which this blog has documented and I will read over them later after I have left. I will really miss the Philippines will never forget my time here.