Apology to the Philippines

My last week in the Philippines has been eventful and disappointing in some ways. I was unable to go on a trip to the hundred islands park where you ride a boat among a hundred small islands. I did want to go but looking back, it was pretty expensive and I do need to save some money for when I go to Korea and Japan. A few days ago was the hottest day in Manila so far this summer, 36°C which is 97°F. I wasn't aware that it was so hot and I decided to go for a run at around 1 PM. Halfway through my run I got severe chest pains in what seemed like my heart. I couldn't run and could barely walk as I scuffled home to drink some water. It was pretty bad, I thought I actually had heart problems but I think it was probably a combination of heat stroke or dehydration. It took me a day to recover from that and I thought the reaction from my friends when I told them was funny. My landlord thought my heart was hurting because I missed my ex-girlfriend and my other friends assumed that I was just sad to leave the Philippines. Being the hypochondriac that I am, I tried to convince him that I had a heart condition. I don't know why I always entertain such stupid fantasies and they are probably right. It is kind of ironic since I remember that before I arrived here I used to think that I was going to the Philippines to die but I really don't recognize myself from that time. And as I leave the Philippines I would like to apologize for many things.

Totoo gusto kong matuto ng Tagalog at ang Tagalog ko ay OK pero mali pa at baloktot ang Tagalog ko. Tamad ako at hind ako nag-aral ang Tagalog araw araw. Pagod ako araw araw kasi uminom ako gabi gabi. Pasensha ka na. Tapos, Gusto kong pumunta sa Mindanao at Illocos date pero walang oras at pera ako. Next time nalang. Tapos, sobra uminom ako sa Pilipinas kasi talaga mura dito ang beer at brandy.

Talaga hindi kong gusto umalis dito at babalik ako sa Pilipinas pero di ko alam kailan. Hindi ako mayaman at walang pera na ako. Siguro kung babalik sa Pilipinas, nakatira ako sa Zamboanga. Talaga gusto kong pumunta doon; even if I die there. Tapos, talaga basahin ko ang El Filibusterismo sa Tagalog. Gusto kong Si Rizal at may madaming respect ako para sa kanya. Ibig ko ang Pilipinas at mag-mimiss ako ang mga kaibigan ko dito.

My Tagalog is still not very good but I hope that's understandable for Filipinos. Basically, I am disappointed in myself for not perfecting Tagalog. I have lived here for eight months and I had ample time if I really worked at it but I was not so studious. It's hard to be motivated to learn Tagalog when you can almost always find someone who can speak English. It was easy for me to learn Japanese in Japan. Not because Japanese is an easier language to learn than Tagalog but because so few people would speak English with me. I was forced to speak Japanese pretty much all day. I really enjoyed that part of my stay in Japan and I hope people in Vietnam also speak little English so I can learn Vietnamese while I am there. When I first arrived in the Philippines I was speaking mainly Japanese since I was always with Japanese girls. With months of translating documents my Japanese did improve but my Japanese also has suffered a bit since I have been speaking mainly English lately since a lot of my Japanese friends left and I started hanging out with guys from New Zealand and Korea but I can send my Japanese friends a little message.

私は日本語をもと勉強しますけどピッツバーグで別に練習できないからちょっと心配しています。それにフィリピンの大学で日本人の大学の先生に会って私は大阪大学でフィリピンについて話をするはずだたけど彼に連絡しませんでした。いい経験でしょうけど私は怠け者です。本当に悪いですね。みんな日本人はフィリピンに興味があるべきだと思います。日本人は時々フィリピンで悪い事をします。例えば、フィリピン人に結婚して子供がいても日本に帰えてフィリピンの家族について忘れます。私ボンランティアしていたNGOはこの問題と働くので私はこの問題についてよくわかります。もちろん、韓国人とアメリカ人と中国人は同じな事をしますけどフィリピン人権がありますよ。

I should also apologize for drinking so much while I was here. It is so cheap that it is kind of unavoidable but I can't say it was so good for my health to be drinking every night and fighting the tiredness the next day by drinking copious amounts of energy drinks.

I have learned so much in Philippines and I can't say I have given so much in return. I have learned from those that have been forgotten and abused. Filipinos don't have an easy life. I think it is safe to say that they generally are not taken seriously by a lot of other Asians. It is really unfair and I could go on a rant about the evils of globalization and the sinister agendas of international finance institutions but my views are posted on other parts of this blog. What I think the failures of the Philippine political system and the aggressive world economy really boil down to is a reality Filipinos have been forced to accept but have simultaneously transcended. Filipino society is functional even with the aggressive pressures from outside the country essentially because of the good nature and strength of the people. Filipinos have demonstrated a sense of warmth and kindness that I have not experienced in other countries. There is a sense of social solidarity that you feel in the air. The Philippines also happens to be one of the most beautiful places on earth. From Palawan to Banaue I was constantly surprised by the landscape here.

Did I learn something from watching children dig through dumpsters outside KFC or visiting some of poorest places in the world? Perhaps, but it is not something I can write about in this blog. I can say that it does put some things in perspective. Meeting and learning the stories of the lovely women of Maligaya House also does put some things in perspective for me and again it is hard for me to describe. It really was a contrast; working landscaping last summer with a bunch of guys complaining about having spent time in jail because of child-support payments and then volunteering for an NGO that fights for the rights of woman and children abandoned by Japanese men. I enjoy that sort of contrast and even if the social work aspect of my job was hard to get used to in the beginning I have come to respect the job they are doing.

I have had so many good experiences which this blog has documented and I will read over them later after I have left. I will really miss the Philippines will never forget my time here.

San Fernando and the Necessity of Violence

So on Good Friday of Holy Week I went with some friends up to a small city called San Fernando in Pampanga. The Philippines is a country with a strong faith in Catholicism and on Good Friday in some towns people practice self-flagellation and even getting crucified as a way to show penitence to God. San Fernando is famous for the massive festival of people whipping themselves and it is one of the few places that people actually get crucified.

Before I describe that day I would like to mention that Pampanga is actually a province in the Philippines where a ton of tourists come every year. Pampanga has no beaches or beautiful landscape that I know of so I can only see three reasons why people would flock here. First, Pampanga is supposedly the center of Filipino cuisine and it is a place famous for its culinary tradition. I had lunch there and one of the friends I was with was born and raised in Pampanga so he showed us some authentic local food. I have to say it was quite different than other Filipino food I've had and it was delicious. The second reason why I think people come to Pampanga is to visit Angeles City which is located next to where a massive US Air Force base used to be. The US military officially left back in the early 1990s but the presence of the US military has had a lasting effect on Angeles City; namely that there are about 10,000 prostitutes in the city. The red light district of Angeles City is world famous and interesting in some ways but probably one of the sleaziest places I've ever been to in my life. For an America middle aged man bored with American girls, they can head to Angeles City and hook up with a Filipino girl that could be 15. I really hope the girls I saw were actually above 18 but you know never really know in these places. Aside from the food and prostitution, people come to San Fernando on Good Friday to see pious Catholics demonstrate their faith in God in a pretty gruesome way. I think the contrast is interesting.

So we arrived in San Fernando in the late morning and made our way to the center of the religious festivities. The place was packed with people and swarming with Germans. There were also tons of Americans, British, and Australians snapping pictures of Filipino guys ripping the flesh off their back in the name of the faith they hold so dear. 

I am not so religious but I have respect for these guys. The fact that they destroy their body out of their love for God resonates with me a bit. Going to church every Sunday is clearly not for them to demonstrate their faith by whipping themselves until they pass out. As the guys walk and indiscriminately splatter blood on the bystanders the sun kept climbing high in the sky and cast down an overwhelming heat. Occasionally, the those self-flagellating would stop walking and another guy would come up behind them with a mallet embedded with broken glass. He would cut their back with it and I am not sure if it was in order to induce more bleeding or kill the nerves to help ease the pain but either way, it was pretty dramatic. 

I could hear some old English ladies behind me commenting in the funny way English women do: “Oh my! This is disgusting!” I don't really know what they expected to see. I thought I would be more affected by seeing these guys but honestly it wasn't such a big deal for me. I mean it's not like I enjoy seeing people do that but I had a hard time having sympathy for the wounds these guys were self-inflicting on themselves. I mean it is kind of gross but I have a strong stomach for this kind of thing. Some people might be uncomfortable with this kind of religious violence and I am of course not a fan of religious violence against other people but in my opinion if their religious beliefs cause them to cause violence on themselves then I think that is totally appropriate even analogous somewhere.

After we had a fairly delicious lunch, we made our way to the area of the main event: live crucifixion. 

There were so many people there and almost no shade. The sun was strong and I got completely sun burned. I tried not to complain too much since we came there to watch people practically kill themselves. I tried to put my sweaty discomfort in perspective. It took a long time for the guys to finally come. There were guys dressed up like Jesus being beaten up and dragged to the crosses by guys dressed up like Romans. 

It was hard to get a good view because of just how many people were there. The first guy they crucified was probably the most dramatic. The “Romans” roughed him up a bit and laid him on the cross. They proudly held up the long nail they would use and they triumphantly raise the hammer each time they hammered a nail through his flesh. As he was hoisted up and limply hung there while he was frying in the oppressive sun, a woman dressed like the Virgin Mary came and delivered a heartfelt speech which I guess came from the Bible. I don't know since it was in Tagalog or Pampanga language. 

As we were watching this spectacle the crowd never really took a solemn tone. There were ice cream salesmen milling around playing their familiar tune and people selling other candy and water. People were yelling and chanting at the “Jesus” as he hung there nailed to the cross. Most of Western tourists looked kind of shocked and gave off an air of “This is terrible, why would they people willingly do this to themselves?”

We watched a few guys get crucified, some cried out from the pain and others took it quietly with a straight face. When I see something like this I try to be analytical and find something profound in what I am seeing. Again, I feel like tourism dilutes any meaningful place or event into vulgarity. I remember when I was in Kyoto I went with my Chinese friend to Ryōan-ji which is a famous Zen rock garden. Anybody that is familiar with Zen Buddhism would know about this garden. 

The garden has 15 boulders and is bedded with raked gravel. It is pretty tiny but the place was completely packed with tourists. My Chinese friend is one who was really interested in this place from books he's read but he was pissed off that it was impossible to appreciate it because of all the tourists. The once meaningful place became just another entry in a tourists photo gallery to prove that they had been to the place.

I feel like San Fernando is treated the same way. It seemed like the majority of people really were just there to watch the spectacle because of its uniqueness but they didn't really care about the actual meaning behind it. I can't say I went there with the intention of appreciating it in a religious way but the tourists ruin it for everyone else who might have actually cared about it. For me, the whole event took another turn entirely. The pain and anguish of those that subjected themselves was not lost on me and I won't take the conventional liberal point of view that condemns religion as a negative force driving people to destructive behavior. I recognize the need of violence of gore in human society. We cannot eradicate violence of society because it is part of the human condition. It is not archaic or stone-age behavior for people to crucify themselves, destroy their bodies, or engage in fight each other to the death. I am not condoning this behavior, my opinion on whether or not people should do that is irrelevant. The fact is that it is part of human nature and I think we should learn to empathize with these occurrences. At least in the Philippines this practice is publicly accepted and so can be conducted in a fairly responsible way. I don't find this to be a degrading aspect of society but one that enriches it. In my opinion, the chief vehicle degrading society would be the proliferation of technology and cosmetic surgery across the world.

My dreams of Paranaque City

In the hot sun, eating fish balls. In the shadow of the airport, the street is lined with garbage and water contaminated with raw sewage flows through the drains. I always enjoy my time in places like this. Paranaque City is really a beautiful places to the trained eye. My coworker and I made our way through the haphazardly constructed slum complex to the house of a client of the NGO. She has recently graduated high school and hopes to enroll in our scholarship program to enter university. Just a two year vocational course for hotel restaurant management. The tuition is meager but still outside of her mother's means. The purpose of my visit was to assess her situation and write a report offering my opinion as to whether she deserves the scholarship. Her house is the size of an average bathroom in the States and she lives there with her mother and 3 other people. As we chat mice and cockroaches scamper by our feet and the air stinks from the open sewer. The girl is sweet and her mother demonstrated a sense of ethical fortitude that made me feel like a beginner in life. Their needs are dire and the scholarship is their only means to lift themselves out of poverty. With this in mind and after looking into the tearful eyes of her mother as she pleaded with me to write a good report I set out to write a report which could bring the scholarship they desire.

As I sat down to write the report my coworker informed me that according to my boss there is no hope that she will get that scholarship. My boss wants her to study IT but the girl really has no interest. My boss won't give her the recommendation to attract the sponsor she needs. I worked hard on the report to override this negative energy and I will know the results soon enough. I was upset with my boss but it's not really her fault. She doesn't decide who gets money and it's not coming from her pocket. Some of the sponsors are picky about what kind of education they will fund. It's understandable, it's their money but if all goes wrong then I am sure that I can find her a sponsor in America.

I always enjoy the time I spend in slums and it sounds strange but I don't find them to be depressing places. I don't enjoy seeing people digging through garbage to find food but I have a lot of respect for the people I meet in these poorer areas. I think it is something to do with the Philippines since people here have a sense of dignity and a way to laugh at life which I find really respectable. I remember I read in a book back when I was at school and the character was explaining that only people who have really suffered have wisdom. That idea resonated with me but simultaneously decimated my self-esteem since I have not ever really suffered to the level that the poor people of Manila have. If you could measure a person's value, not materially to society but to a transcendental “good” then I by principle believe that the impoverished people have an elevated status. It is well-known that wealth and the pursuit of it can have a corrupting effect on people but I believe that the majority of people are responsible enough not to let money become their master. Most people in developed countries are really just looking out for their families and themselves just like people here or other poor countries. There is no fundamental difference between those with our without money but that doesn't change the fact that I am uncomfortable among wealthy people. I think this really boils down to fact that I value the strength that people have when they under duress because that strength is lacking in myself. I have not been able to experience poverty and I believe this is a major obstacle of mine to understand how the world operates.

Sometimes I feel like the poets from Heian Japan that wrote poems depicting the life of farmers and people from the countryside. While they sat in their royal palaces, they wrote eloquent poems romanticizing the life which they in principle cannot relate to but admire in their imagination. Sone no Yoshitada is a good example. He is not super famous but I like him because he broke some standards within Japanese poetic conventions.

A barge of timber

floating down a logging stream

makes a sad pillow-

but in summer it's a cool place

to lie down for the night.

Sone no Yoshitada

I know that these Japanese poems sometimes seem very cryptic and too brief to say anything but there is depth in the details. There is no way that a member of the aristocracy like Sone no Yoshitada would be floating down a river on a barge of timber but the poem is a Huckleberry Fin type fantasy in which he puts himself in the shoes of a “common” person who has the freedom to do what they like without worrying about the court etiquette. In reality the lives of Japanese peasants was one lacking in freedom but full of hardship. But to really see poetic expression for the downtrodden of society you have to look later in history. Bashō, Saigyō, and Kobayashi Issa are the best in my opinion. Here are some of the poems I like and I will leave the interpretation up to you.

Distant mountains

are reflected in the eye

of a dragonfly.

Kobayashi Issa

Steam from broth

rises above a wattle fence,

with sleet coming down.

Kobayashi Issa

Trailing on the wind,

the smoke of Mount Fuji

fades in the sky,

moving like my thoughts

toward some unknown end

Saigyō

Moon-viewings in the capital

when I thought

such sad thoughts-

now I know they were no more

than idle pastimes

Saigyō

Ill on a journey,

I run about in my dreams

over withered fields.

Bashō

Dreary Legaspi

As my time in the Philippines comes to an end, I made an ill-fated trip by myself over to a small city called Legaspi. The region is famous for two things: the massive Mayon Volcano and Pili nuts. Legaspi is the capital and biggest city of Albay province. I took a night bus which took about 12 hours. The bus was so cold from the over-bearing air conditioning and I inevitably caught a cold. I arrived and the weather was nice; serene. The volcano had a small amount of clouds around summit and I could see it spewing out steam from its perfectly shaped cone. I decided not to take a picture because I thought I would wait until I reached this idyllic point which I read about. It is the ruins of a old monastery just 30 minutes away and from there you are supposed to have the best and most beautiful view.

I checked into a hotel (very cheap, only 8 dollars a night), took a shower, and rested for an hour since it is impossible to sleep well on buses. It was only 9 AM when I left my room and made my way to the exit of the hotel. I walked out to find that a massive storm had come out of nowhere. It was raining hard and the volcano was completely obscured by clouds. I was disappointed but I thought maybe I can wait out the rain since it was still very early.
I toured the whole city. I went to everything that could be construed as a tourist spot and by 6 PM it was still raining, if it not harder. 

One thing I can say about Legaspi is that there are definitely not a lot of foreigners going there. I didn't see any non-Filipinos and I felt somewhat like a local celebrity as I walked around. Most people were nice but sometimes the attention got kind of awkward. Every time I walked into a small restaurant it felt like something out of a wild west movie. Everyone turned and stared at me. Even after I order and sit down, some children are still captivated. It's true that I do get some attention here in Manila since I am a foreigner but in Legaspi it was a bit much. During my wandering around the city, I watched a karate tournament for kids and it brought me back to when I did karate. There were two schools that were competing against each other; everyone was Filipino but one seemed to be from a Korean school and the other a Japanese style of karate. The difference between this and my karate was that instead of some hefty American dude in a karate outfit refereeing the match, there was an attractive young lady with a white collared shirt, black straight pants and a bright red necktie. It was refreshing to see this Filipino style karate tournament.

After this I headed to the old district of the city where there was some sort of festival going on. According to the sign it was a month long festival but I guess I had came on the Ladyboy Day since there were several groups of dancing guys dressed up like ladies. Maybe not everyone was gay and it was just for fun since there was a lot of them for a city that small. 

This is one cultural disconnect between the US and Philippines. In the conventions of US religious conservatism, homosexuality is not viewed favorably but I would say that Filipinos are generally more religious than Americans. Abortion is completely out of the question here and even contraception can be hard to find in some cities without a prescription. I don't know what you would need to tell a doctor to write you a prescription for some condoms but I've heard that in some cities here you need a compelling reason. Divorce is also illegal here which according to my co-worker is because the state is trying to protect the family. Abortion is a sticky issue in the States but access to contraception and the ability to divorce has been pretty much agreed upon in mainstream society. So if the Filipinos are apparently so much more conservative, how are they so comfortable with homosexuals? There are plenty of homophobic people in the Philippines, I'm sure of that but they are not as present as they are in the States. Gays, lesbian, transgender people all walk pretty freely and seemingly without de facto persecution. I have no problem with that as long as ladyboys that are very convincing make it a priority to mention that they are actually a man when I meet them in a club so there is so confusion. But really this difference in the conventional understanding of conservative versus liberal society is a common phenomenon. What is considered conservative or liberal is not universally agreed upon around the world. Both the political the social spectrum are culturally subjective. If you talk to conservatives in Canada I think you would hard-pressed to find someone that wants to abolish the national healthcare service while probably every conservative and some liberals in the US would hate a national healthcare system.

Anyway, I was hoping for a clear second day to see the volcano but I was not granted this small wish. I left Legaspi on an earlier bus than I planned. Legaspi is a nice place and it could be a chill place to visit. It reminded me of a lot some of the English towns that I've visited in that I thought it would be a nice place if it wasn't raining the whole time.

Next time I wouldn't travel alone, I don't know why I thought that was a good idea. I was just kind of bored the whole time. Yeah well you live and you learn.