Manila

If I were to make an analogy of my relationship with Manila it would be one of meeting a Filipina on a blind date and she being an unattractive, loud girl with a hygiene issues and a severe case of flatulence but because of binding constraints I was forced to be with her everyday and every night. At first it was difficult to even be around her but I was without a choice. The first month I experienced nausea from the stench and unexplainable muscle pains from the heat from being so close to her. She would spit on me and demand money. The amount of insects that she attracted was almost unbearable at times. But through the cacophony of noise and abuse a soft voice emerged and I began to realize something: as unappealing her outward appearance was she was a Filipina. As I begun to understand what it really means to be with a Filipina, I felt a warm feeling deep inside me express itself. Within her apparent hard exterior lay a soft and sensitive soul that usurped any previous experiences I had in past with girls of different origin. At that moment I was unable to relate to Camus's query that the fundamental question plaguing mankind was whether or not one should commit suicide. My belief in the absurd nature of the world lost traction and I began to understand what happiness really feels like. I lost my preconceived pride and things I took for granted no longer made sense. Her seemingly bizarre taste in food became adaptable to my pallet.

I will tell you that it wasn't an easy transition. Any real emotional transition has a great deal of friction involved. No real love, no real happiness, no real depression comes on lightly. As with any emotional issue, it is subjective but I can tell you about my experience.

I don't think I have experience with true happiness and I prefer how the Japanese differentiate between mere satisfaction and actual happiness. In Japanese if you want to say you are glad or just marginally happy the word is 嬉しい(ureshii) but real, lasting happiness is referred to as 幸せ(shiawase). In English we do not have this distinction in the original vocabulary without superlative adjectives. Of course I have been satisfied in my life but I don't believe I have every experienced what the Japanese refer to as shiawase. If we're talking about depression, than yes I do have experience.

Back when I was university student, in the midst of the stress and hard work that comes with university I was struck by what I believe was serious depression. Now just as Camus insisted , suicide does not enter someones mind just because a tragedy suddenly entered my life, depression comes on slow. I'm not trying to infer that I was suicidal at that time. I gave up on that idea back in my childhood. Depression originates in your sub-conscious due to insecurities within yourself that manifest themselves as “real” problems. For me, I won't get into the details, but I fell into a deep hole that took weeks too get out of. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep; didn't want to talk to family or friends. The way I saw it was that the deeper you are, the longer the ladder required to get you out. I pulled myself out of depression through my own efforts. I used to meditate for long periods of time in order re-balance my mind and it was at that point in my life that I focused on my education. I found an escape from the superficially cruel world in intellectual advancement and actually I think it is safe to say that it is because of my depression that I was able to succeed in university. I could write a lot about depression but I don't think this blog is the appropriate place. The reason why I brought it up is to emphasize my belief that the emotional condition of an individual in regard to himself and the external world is not just “feelings” but is something more substantial. In addition to that, I believe emotions and attachments are not mere fluctuations in one's mood but are an integral part of one's understanding of their existential reality. This may sound like jargon but the point I am really trying to get across is that one cannot ignore the emotional side of human nature for just what they consider “rationality”. Maybe not everyone agrees with me and that's fine but I think it would be rare to find someone who fell in love with Manila the moment they set foot here.

It one were to analyze the nice parts vs. the not so nice parts of Manila rationally than Manila would probably not come out so hot. Now I want to argue that what makes Manila livable, not only livable but positively enjoyable, is caused by the fact she is a Filipina. But what does that mean? I have never seen more warmth than between a Filipina and her children. This motherly instinct carries over to the city as a whole. As intimidating and daunting Manila can be when you are lost I have also found an understanding person to help me find my way. The warmth of the people emanates through the weather-beaten concrete. Unlike other major cities, New York, Paris, etc., the people who live here don't try to sell the city for what it is not. The train system here, although being less extensive than its New York counterpart, is far nicer and better maintained but still the people here frequently apologize to me for their trains because they assume that they are far better in America. This is just not true. Actually public transportation is good here and readily available once you understand the complex system and idiosyncrasies. A mother's insecurities and personal grievances may make her parental message convoluted but if she is Filipina than you know there is also love at the root. Manila is the same way except that your mother probably wouldn't rob or rape you in the name of love; or plant a bomb on a bus as what happened last week.

I could go on a make more cheesy sycophantic remarks about this city and comparing it to Filipinas but I feel like it is already getting old. It is not really fair to the Filipinas since they are some of the most beautiful and sweetest women in the world.

I have lived for an extended period of time in four cities: Pittsburgh, Honolulu, Vancouver, and Manila (I would include Kyoto even though I was only there a month because I believe I know the city pretty well but a month is really too short). Pittsburgh is my hometown so it transcends the usual evaluation. I will always have love for Pittsburgh.

I lived in Honolulu for a year and I did like the city. Anyone who has been to Hawaii can vouch for just how beautiful the place is. Honolulu is obviously very touristy which is frustrating but the Hawaiians take it with grace. As much as I objectively enjoyed the city it was my first year living outside of Pittsburgh and it was a tough transition so I don't think I gave Honolulu a real chance. My memories of that place are scarred with homesickness.

Vancouver is a different story. I lived there for three years. It is considered one of the most livable cities in the world and for good reason. The air is clean, the mountains are beautiful, the climate is mild and the people are genuinely friendly. Vancouver is the most diverse city I have lived in. The Canadians are not merely tolerant of foreigners but actively accept them and integrate them into the community as a whole. In my last year I lived in a predominantly Chinese neighborhood and I know some people complain that Chinese isolate themselves when they emigrate to different countries and that is true to a certain extent (my landlord lived in Vancouver for 12 years and didn't speak a word of English) but if you put forth the effort they will respond nicely. It's like you are at a party and there is a guy in the corner who doesn't talk to anyone and you complain “What is wrong with him? That's rude that he doesn't talk to anybody...” but then have you made an effort to talk to him? So whose fault really is it? Unlike the way Arabs and other Muslims are treated in a lot of Western Europe, most notably France and Germany, the Canadian government and Canadians individually make an effort to integrate different people into the society and thus create a very friendly atmosphere. I had some problems with Vancouver however such as their absurdly expensive alcohol and tobacco and sometimes I thought that the people were too nice at times. It must be the American inside me but when everybody is really nice around me than for some reason I usually become uncomfortable.

Out of all the cities I have mentioned so far, I believe Manila is the most enjoyable city to live in. I love how they pump raw sewage into the streams and rivers which bring a nice aroma to the air. I love how street vendors will sometimes burn garbage to cook BBQ chicken and pig intestines. I love how people seem to relieve themselves just about wherever the hell they feel like. I love how there are rarely stop signs or real traffic laws and that no one stops at crosswalks. I love being stuck in traffic for two hours in the back of jeep while continuously inhaling the noxious car exhaust. I love how ridiculously hot and humid it can be and how suddenly heavy rain can appear and soak you in 5 seconds. Most importantly I love how there is trash everywhere.

In light of these mild imperfections the Philippines planted a seed in my heart the moment I arrived and one by one what used to bother me melted away. Some call it getting used to a place, I call it real love.